There’s been a lot written in the last few years about authenticity at work—its importance, its value, and its nuance—especially among leaders. But a lot has to come together for your true authentic self to be the effective, right choice for your organization and team.
Recently, I’ve found myself in a few separate situations with clients, senior leaders from large organizations, where I’ve recommended that they do NOT bring their authentic selves to work.
I think for some that feels counterintuitive, not only because the public discourse leans toward authenticity, but also because we often recommend that leaders model vulnerability to create trust on teams. Vulnerability is one of those “in touch” leadership qualities and the right thing to do much of the time, but I’ve found that there are situations when being your authentic self is not the right call.
When your authentic self might not always be entirely constructive, authentically expressing your concern about, let’s say, key aspects of the company strategy and direction may not be the right call. This is especially true when you are a senior leader, someone whose every word tends to get amplified within the organization. Pushing your true feelings out in this situation isn’t always the best approach to leadership.
For example, one of my clients, let’s call him Jerome, a senior executive of a multi-billion-dollar company, found himself regularly challenging people in meetings. This came from a very real concern about the direction the company was taking and the strength of departments that were crucial to the company’s success. Over time, this behavior began to feel overly harsh and personal to the people with which he worked. Even Jerome felt like it wasn’t resulting in any constructive movement. Jerome is a passionate and candid leader; these are the first things that his colleagues would say about him, but over time his approach, as true as it was to his personality and style, was not only not making things better, and he had to admit, it was making things worse.
Jerome realized that his strong-willed, opinionated, authentic self was not the best approach, but he struggled with how to react. Over time he became aware that some of his colleagues seemed to be making decisions without him. He was frozen out of certain conversations. It also became clear that his approach was damaging relationships and straining people’s ability to engage in the kind of honest teamwork he believed in. Jerome didn’t have a way to show up effectively as an authentic leader but still knew that he had something to contribute. And despite his concerns about the strategy, Jerome still cared about his company and wanted it to succeed.
To stop him from blowing up his work-life, I recommended that Jerome develop some acting skills, and quick. I wanted him to approach certain meetings by showing up with a persona we constructed. Jerome would still be a leader who cares but would approach his work as though he were a character in the story, giving himself some space from what was causing his bad behavior. This is perhaps the opposite of being your authentic self.
We did some work defining “Jerome” the character and identifying how he was similar and different from my client Jerome. The character he was to “play” in meetings was just as driven and committed, but he was more willing to let others’ ideas, even ideas he disagreed with, gain greater currency. The real Jerome had a strategy based on his belief that “heading off bad ideas early.” The new “Jerome” would note his concern about someone else’s idea, then he would listen and acknowledge the fact that the group didn’t think the idea was as significant a risk as he thought it was, and from time to time acknowledge that they were coming to agreement around this idea.
For Jerome, an important step in the process of playing a part rather than being his “unvarnished self” (his term) was having a heart-to-heart with his manager, the CEO, about the depth of his concerns. This conversation was an important step in the process, helping Jerome to feel like he was doing his best for the company and the leadership team, rather than lowering and giving in about where he set his standards where they really mattered. Jerome’s manager encouraged him to raise his concerns, respectful of the opinions of others. The CEO was encouraged that this persona would allow Jerome to accept, and even amplify, the decisions of the group.
When coming up with a persona to put aside your authentic self, just for a little while, it’s important to think about and focus on what others need to be effective, rather than what you need and what will make you feel whole and authentic. Leading is more about other people than it is about you. This doesn’t mean that you always have to put your needs aside for the sake of others, but neither is it true that the purest version of you is always the solution. It’s great when you can be your true authentic self, but that’s not always what others need from you so that they can be great.
All of these steps to building a persona helped Jerome stay in the game rather than sit on the sidelines, feeling like he either needed to attack and destroy bad ideas or sit quietly and not disagree. Over time, the work allowed Jerome to integrate these skills more deeply into his leadership repertoire and strengthen relationships that had become strained.